Saying Good-Bye Today: SOLSC #25

Since Friday morning life for me has been altered. I have been trying not to cancel events on the calendar.

We had dinner on Friday night as usual, with family, I played guitar with Mihael before we left.I met with our writing project tech team yesterday morning. Tuvia and I saw the Israeli film, Footnotes with friends in the evening and it was pleasant.

Everyone knew about my loss and approached me gently.

But I don’t feel the same.  I guess I wonder, what’s next?  When will I feel Eileen’s absence.  I hear her voice in my head, letting me know just last Thursday, that the cancer had spread everywhere and one week later…just one week she was gone.

Is it crazy, but somehow I’d like a photo of something from today.  Is that crazy?  At the cemetery.  I’m not taking my big camera, but I do have my iPhone.

Anyway, I wanted to put something down tho morning but I think the richer slice will be coming tonight when I can digest the reality.

Thanks everyone for sharing poems and  feelings with me.

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Categories: SOLSC 2012 | Tags: | 14 Comments

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14 thoughts on “Saying Good-Bye Today: SOLSC #25

  1. I think your need for a photo speaks to your soul as an artist and friend. Do it. Get that image for yourself and for your memories. Keep it close to you. That might help you find some solace, if not meaning, with the loss.
    Sincerely,
    Kevin

  2. Sometimes the images in our minds come from words as well as pictures…either way….that seems to be how most of us can carry on…after part of our world is lost. May you find peace in your pcitres and in the words that fill your soul.

  3. rebecca burdett

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Bonnie. I’ll have you in my thoughts all this week as you move through these next steps in your friendship with Eileen.

  4. My advice to you in this moment is to be gentle with yourself. Your heart is protecting you from the pain of loss. Soon enough you will feel your sorrow; it will surface and sink over and over in the months to come. I think the numbness is to help you get through the immediacy of it all. Sending supportive hugs to you.
    Lynn

  5. liisajaana

    Don’t rush through the pain and sorrow……at the time of loss, memories have often carried me through the toughest times. Thanks for sharing your heart!

  6. As you know, the dark and the light compose. In this, we may treasure the words and images shared among friends.
    Best, Joseph

  7. I think the goodbyes take different forms over time. Right now you want to hold on to something & that is a photograph, a picture that cements the reality. Sometimes a chance phrase or even seeing someone on the street has reminded me of someone I’ve loved who is gone, and so the grief emerges again and I must say goodbye all over again. Step by step for yourself, Bonnie. I’m so sorry about your friend and for your sorrow.

  8. I understand how you feel, going through routines/schedules of life when there is such a hole in your heart from the loss. Take the time you need and remember Eileen.

  9. I wish I had more to say, to offer up some profound wisdom to carry you through this tough spot in your life, but I don’t. What I can offer you is knowing that we are all thinking of you today, sending positive thoughts, and hoping that you are able to get some peace about Eileen.

  10. It seems so sudden…no time for all one needs to say for an adequate leave taking (if there is such a thing). Perhaps that photograph will allow you this, Bonnie…I’ll be thinking of you on this grey, rather gloomy looking day.

  11. Photos can do so many things for us… give us something to hold on to…. something to remind us that this loss is real when we are working tirelessly to deny it…. allow us to recall – the memories of joy, laughter, sadness, healing… give us a physical, tangible part of that moment to hold on to, to hide, to pull back out, to hide again, to display and provide presence… I hope you got your photo, Bonnie. Sending thoughts of comfort to you!

  12. Thinking of you…

  13. Now as the day has come to an end, know my heart goes out to you. I’m so sorry you’ve lost a dear friend. Hold tight to those memories, remember her laugh, her smile and she will always be close.

  14. I send you virtual hugs for very real pain and loss. My heart goes out to you.

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