I’ve been away riding an unusual wave but now I’m back again, grounded. I hate to sound so mysterious but I wonder how public I should be about my recent sense of isolation.
A week ago I was living my usual life, driving up the Thruway with a full day planned a New Paltz. I had a meeting with the HVWP Leadership Team, an appointment to sign forms for money owed and then a luncheon with good friends after a strange experience this term with a student teacher. Just as I slowed down for my familiar exit I had a call coming in from Tuvia to inform me that I needed to recalibrate the day. My blood test was disappointing. The blood count was lower this time and I was in need of a doctor’s appointment. Tuvia was sure he could get something with an internist he respected but I would have to be ready to turn around and come back home.
That feeling of isolation began. I continued to Old Main on the SUNY campus, parked close to the building, called up to Tom and made my way to his office. He could tell there was a problem and after hearing back from Tuvia with a appointment in the early afternoon. I was able to stay for some of the meeting and get the forms signed before I was back in the car and on my way to Tuvia’s.
I have been suffering for a two years from a soreness in my joints and even though I have been taking Celebrex every 3 days to curb the ache, I miss the old days when I could lift my hands over my head without hesitating.
The doctor we met with was great. Great eye contact and enthusiasm and it was fun to watch Tuvia interact with him. He was sure he had the perfect diagnosis but before he would hand over a new prescription we had to go through the process. More blood work and at Tuvia’s urging, a CAT Scan and chest x-ray.
I was okay with all of it until I looked at Tuvia’s face and started feeling his worry. He was not my doctor now but his emotional concern was taking its toll on both of us.
Using his influence, I had an appointment at the hospital the following week, two days ago actually. Instead of focusing on the worst scenario, I gagged on the thought of drink in 3 large bottles of barium solution that smelled like perfume. I had to take the first bottle at 8 and then the other two closer to the test. Ugh, I wouldn’t be able to do it.
Of course I could but it was so much easier to worry about the superficial.
Tuvia continued to make my experience swift and comfortable and the CAT Scan itself was very interesting in all its modern technology. The chest x-ray was more traditional but everyone was kind and friendly.
Now we had to wait, but not long. I sat in the cafeteria with a sandwich poised to fill my empty stomach, but I couldn’t, not until I got the results. Tuvia was back in less than 30 minutes with an invitation to celebrate at my favorite restaurant.
It was hard to snap back after a week of worry. It was hard to breathe regularly.
And yes, I do have a disease that hits many women in their middle age and yes, there’s a path to cure, and yes it was good to get a check up and now I will not need to prep for a colonoscopy but it was a tough week that you know a lot about. You spent many days feeling isolated without a happy ending.
I am diagnosed with Polymyaglia Rheumatic and with low doses of steroids I will be able to easily raise my arms, maybe with some small weights down the road.
Of course, at 62, almost 63, it’s not unusual to have a medical issue right?
But when it hits, the silence is deafening.
Wow that was a downer. Today will be great. Sun is shining and we will be sitting in an audience watching Mihael’s guitar recital. I can move out of the center of family attention officially.