Happy 4th my Friend,
This is the first one without you or my mom and I don’t know that we ever celebrated the 4h together. But today will be a strange 4th for us. We are not really celebrating today, just taking time for Rockland and New Jersey family and friends for join us for one last day of remembering my mom and just being together. It will be good to have two cool kids with us wondering what this is all about. Even though their parents have begun to talk about death with them, it remains a mystery to the 5 and 7 year-old. Actually, it’s a mystery to the rest of us as well, but they are still innocent, more innocent, for now. But they will have questions, I’m sure.
The fridge is filled with Kosher deli from Harold’s just down Oradell Avenue with salads and trimmings. We are hoping that no one brings anything more. After a few days at Marla and Jeff’s I know that their freezer is stuffed to overflowing and that’ s in addition to what friends took home. It makes me twice about arriving at a Shiva with a cake next time. And sending food in? Thinking more about how that money could be spent as a contribution.
So after spending a few days in the Shiva cocoon at 8 Helen St. it was a bit of a reality to jolt to have to fend for myself when I left for Tuvia’s in the heat of this early July and then had to make some everyday decisions: what to order at Panera for lunch. I didn’t want to be out in the world quite yet and I’m realizing why a week is a good amount of time to feel the love of the womb.
Today is a variation on the Shiva theme. Tuvia and I choreographed the visitors list, planned the menu and everything is now ready for us to sit and be with friends and family. The house is quiet and cool to write in, nap in and even read in. So I’m breathing before the last crowd arrives more or less together.
Tomorrow I’ll be packing, Friday I will be packing and last-minute shopping and then I’m off…
My mom is coming along with all of us
PS. If there’s any confusion about the change in Days, you can thank my cousin Elaine. Days now corresponds to your actual passing, not the days I share a post. Makes sense, right?